Look of Horror...

Oh my God!  Last night, middle of the night, I get a FB notification.  That isn't really unusual at any hour of the day, but this one was CRAZY.  It was an event invite to a fundraiser for a kid's drill team.  They are raising money for uniforms.  Isn't that sweet???  Oh wait...I suppose I forgot to mention that they are doing so through the sale of SEX TOYS and LINGERIE!  A Pure Romance consultant has generously offered to donate her profits to help these girls out.  Now, I know this particular consultant, and her heart is huge and she has the best of intentions, I have no doubt.  However, I emailed her immediately and told her she needed to back out of this.  Here is why...
First of all, there is NO way that this won't get out, what with the public invite and the THREE HUNDRED PLUS people tagged in this as of this moment.  I don't know exactly how old these girls are, but I know girls as young as 5 who are already vicious.  Can you imagine the bullying these girls are going to have to withstand when word spreads that this is how they are raising money for their drill team???  In a society rampant with news about suicides due to bullying, I can't believe ANY parent on this drill team hasn't considered the backlash of this!  I mean, my 10 year old has already had absolutely VULGAR things written about her on a bathroom wall by a girl who was just upset over a boy liking my daughter.  I can just hear the harassment and disgusting names these little girls might get called when their team becomes associated with these items.  Not to mention if local Christian groups find out about this.  The Boys and Girls Club that this drill team dances for may lose valuable funding for other programs.  And don't EVEN get me started on the media frenzy that would ensue.  I told my friend I was concerned for HER safety and that of her kids. 
Also, I happen to know it's ILLEGAL to have children under 18 browsing their catalogs, websites or in attendance at their actual parties.  What happens when ONE irresponsibly parent has her daughter "run this catalog to Sally Sue next door for me, sweetie???"  Curious daughter flips through it, starts asking her friends what a vibrator does...maybe is overheard in school and EXPELLED? 
This whole thing has me seriously upset.  I would be HORRIFIED if our cheer gym paired up with a Slumber Parties or Pure Romance rep and wanted us to sell these products in the name of our daughters/sons.  Mind you, I think there is a time and place for these products.  Children's athletics is NOT it.  Perhaps, it's just me, but I doubt I am alone in my thinking here.  Why can't they just sell candles, candy and tshirts like every other group?  I would ABSOLUTELY pull my children off a team if their coach agreed to this, by the way.  These coaches have a responsibility to put their athletes best interest first.  This is an epic fail by the coaches, the parents and the Boys and Girls Club if they are aware of this.  Thoughts on what I should do here?

Open mouth, Insert foot.

Can I just say...that sometimes I shouldn't say shit.  Out loud.  Where people are present and can hear me.

My BFF, SS, who has lifetime permission to smack me as needed, has refrained from doing so, in spite of my constant use of the phrase, "I almost had a heart attack."  What's so wrong with that, you may wonder???  Well, her father passed away from a heart attack less than two years ago.  Every time I say it to her, I literally hang up, smack myself and swear to not be such an insensitive moron ever again.  I told her I am aware of my own stupidity and have promised to avoid such statements.  I'm failing.  Epically.  Typically, I would say that I am very sensitive to the feelings of others and go out of my way to be considerate of my friend's feelings.  Just not with this MASSIVE thing.  Lovely.

I also do this, in a way, to my other BF, SW.   S teaches autism inclusion and is a certified special ed teacher.  For SOME reason, I can't stop using the word "retarded" as an adjective.  As in, "OMG, I am so retarded because I can't stop saying this stupid shit."  Seriously, I know it makes her crazy.  She should yell at me.  She's not the most confrontational friend I have.  It would probably shock me into silence and scare me off from saying it if she ever did do that...

Oh, here's a one of a kind one.  My best guy friend was showing me pics of his kids, whom I haven't seen in person (we don't live where we grew up or near any of my closest friends).  He's Hispanic...His two oldest kids are dark skinned with dark hair and dark eyes.  The little one...not so much.  So I'm standing there, flipping through these 8x10's and I think, "wow...she is WHITE."  Only I didn't think it.  I SAID it.  Out loud.  6 inches from him.  LUCKILY, he knows I suspect his ex wife of all kinds of evil so he laughed and made a comment even more inappropriate for public reading than what I said then.  I mean, really, did I just question the paternity of his daughter outside of my own head?  (Huge thanks to HIS mother for teaching him never to hit a woman...)  Of course, features wise, she looks EXACTLY like him, so it's all good.  Well, except I clearly can not trust my mouth to stay shut when I tell it to.  That kindof sucks.

Note to self...Intelligence does NOT prevent stupidity.

Things I have been too ladylike to say in the last 90 days...

When did a wedding ring stop holding meaning for assholes in bars/clubs...
Just because you don't have boobs doesn't mean I should have to cover up mine...
If your bright orange baseline doesn't match your dark orange spray tan, perhaps you should rethink your look...
Men in a hurry to settle down terrify me...
If you have kids on your Facebook, perhaps pics of you pole dancing aren't the best option for uploading...
If your kid ACTUALLY laughs at you when you say no, MAYBE your parenting skills need work...
Oh, you own a $1000 camera?  So how does that make you a photographer exactly???
So you're getting a divorce.  That doesn't give you license to use your children as a weapon. 
I'm not your man-don't get pissed at me when you ask how something looks and I actually TELL YOU THE TRUTH!  Next time I will let you go out looking like that...
Maybe you shouldn't be shocked when you assume you have any say in who my friends are and you rapidly lose your status as one of them...
What you said when you were drunk, I will remember when I am sober.  And it won't be an excuse...

Can I Just Say...

So, sometimes, I have things to say that...well...just aren't that ladylike.  I admit it.  I'm not the Barbie Girl my so called public wants me to be.  It's a little exhausting keeping up with everyone's expectations all the time.  I know some of my supermom friends will agree with me.  You can't very well run around cussing out the principal, telling customers how you REALLY feel about what they said, or even telling your family what you really think about their parenting skills.  And you sure don't want to know what they think of YOURS.  So I have this secret group on Facebook where we all just say whatever we are thinking.  I started it, and some of the whopping 8 members I have allowed into it don't even know each other.  Makes for some very interesting posts. 
One of my closest friends, who actually isn't even in said group, has started a personal campaign for publicly being who you are and embracing it.  I'm sure she didn't know where I would take it.  Starting a blog in which the sole purpose is to just run my mouth.  If it makes her feel better, I'll say FEARLESSLY run my mouth...
So, here we go, world.  Can I Just Say...I'm a little worried...